Bleh - tomorrow is my birthday. And I am turning...ugh, I can't even say it (or write it) out loud...thirty. Did you see that? It rhymes with dirty, and belongs in the same category, if you ask me. I don't know why, but I have had a really hard time with this birthday. Everytime I have thought about my birthday this year, I get all depressed. I told Lou that I didn't even want to celebrate it this year, and yes, I was serious. What a baby, right? He's kept asking me what I want, pestering me over and over, and at one point, I answered: "How about a time machine?" Okay, so it's not like I want to be 18 again - ew, no way, but a rewind back to about 25 would be nice - mature enough to be taken seriously, but not, you know, the age that rhymes with "dirty". It just seems like such a lame-o age, like the end of youth and the beginning of dying. Am I being melodramatic? Of course. But then again, that's me. I've thought of my top five "dislikes" about getting older - let's see if any of you can relate:
#1) The generation gap, aka sounding like my parents.
Example: Back in January, right before I was released from YW, I was teaching a Wednesday night class on Public Speaking Tips. One of my tips was to not talk too fast. At one point I said, "You don't want to be up there sounding like the micro-machine man", with a chuckle. They all looked at me with this confused look, and I realized - They had NO idea who the micro-machine man WAS! Oh, man, I just made some archaic cultural reference, just like my Dad used to do when I was a kid - bummer. I am old.
#2) Physical problems, aka old people crap.
Example: Every once in a while, my knee hurts all day for no reason. Everytime I crouch down, I get shooting pain. It lasts for a day, then goes away. And if I am kneeling down too long, when I get up I'm all achy and stiff. I went to do a somersault yesterday in the backyard (at my girls' request), and man, it KILLED! It hurt my head, my neck, my back. Whaf da heck? Aren't I too young for random aches and pains? Obviously not. I am old.
#3) The death of youthful looks, aka night cream, anyone?
Example: It's not bad enough that I still get zits and have bad pores, do I have to start getting tiny fine lines on my face, too? Okay, so the average person can't see them unless they are pressing their face to mine, but they are THERE dang-it. The thought of needing anti-aging cream makes me nauseated, but the thought of being all wrinkly actually might make me puke just a little, because I'm old.
#4) Wardrobe issues, aka you are too old to wear that, lady.
Example: Okay, so I'm not ready to get a helmet haircut or turn myself over to Talbots, but I am at an age where I can't just wear whatever I want - some stuff is now "too young" for me - period. Sometimes I'll look at stuff and it's obvious, but other times it's like "Can I wear this? Is it too young for me?" I'm guessing that if I am even asking myself that, the answer is yes. Because, you know, I am old.
#5) The cultural stigma, aka, your youth has officially ended.
Example: 20's is still young, but for some reason, once you hit 30, you are just not considered truly "young" anymore. You are supposed to wear "mom" hair, and "mom" clothes, wear night cream, and be all...old. If you talk about current pop culture in front on teenagers, half of them might think it's cool, and the other half are all "why do you even know about that stuff? You are old."
Ick, yuck, blech, blah - the whole thing just bites. I never felt like I had issues with getting older until this birthday, and at the same time I so don't want to be one of those woman who clings to her youth with some sort of desperation and acts all pathetic about it...although from the looks of this post, it's too late for that. :)
So, my question is, can any of you think of anything cool about turning thirty? Cuz I'm coming up zero.
5 comments:
Like I said before "30 and flirty and fabulous!" -Jennifer Garner (13Going on 30). Anyway, your blog made me laugh really hard...but then again, I haven't turned 30 yet. Maybe in 2 years I'll be sympathizin' with yah. I do understand the cultural thing though. Once in teaching I said that you wouldn't want to look like Steve Urkel (you know, the definition character of nerdy) and the kids had no idea what I was talking about. It made me feel old. Also, I felt bad for them. They sure did miss out.
I love seeing my kids grow and mature which couldn't help if I was perpetually 28 because the kids would be endlessly 4 or whatever age. It is awesome to hear their first testimony, see them choose to be baptized, show kindness to others, bring home their first really good poem from school and so many other things. My sister told me how she cried when her son passed their family the sacrament the first time. While I really try not to wish away my kids' youth I look forward to each new phase with the challenges and delights it brings.
Funny, I don't feel older either. But, I've been having the clothes argument with myself for a few years now, like, since I became a mom. I'll always hold that you are only as old as you feel and in that case there is NO WAY that I am thirty. When I was there in YW with you, I asked Rachelle if she watched American Idol and she looked at me like I was so out of it. Maybe that's why thirty didn't hit me so hard...
Happy belated birthday, by the way.... I'm a shmuck.
about #4: Josh would recommend Retin-A for wrinkles. Or a laser resurfacing treatment. I have 1 good reason 30 is great.... sending it in an email! Happy Birthday dear friend!
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