So, now my blog is pretty much DOA, and what few people WERE reading it have probably stopped since I haven't posted in over a year. Sigh. Oh well.
I've meant to post sooooo many times. I have ideas and thoughts coming into my head all the time. But then nighttime comes (when I can actually sit down and think), and I've got bills to pay, or clothes to fold and/or iron, floors to sweep, a husband who wants some times with me - you get the idea.
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| What do you want from me?!! |
I've thought about posting about this topic probably 100 times at this point.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how glad I am that I have some good friends, and how important friends are in our lives.
I had a group of friends in high school that I loved. We had all known each other since we were about eight years old, and I thought that we would have this group forever - through college, marriage, kids, etc. We had a falling out the winter of our first semester of college. Well, to be clear, they had a falling out with me (which, I found out later, was the result of my at-the-time boyfriend, whom they didn't like, who just so happened to turn out to be my husband, Lou). It's a long story, but basically, they decided over Christmas break that they had outgrown me, and that it was time for us to go our separate ways. Again, to be clear, they wanted me to go my separate way, while they all remained best buddies. One of them even called me on the phone to tell me that it was time to move along. Ouch.
So, basically, they dumped me out of the group. It was humiliating, heartbreaking, and overall just terrible. I went from having a group of best friends that I had known since I was a kid to having NO ONE. Oh, and this happened 2 weeks before I got married. Yeah.
I have long since forgiven these girls, and have rekindled contact with them on some level in recent years (which has been nice), but the fact is, for YEARS after the "event" I couldn't bring myself to make friends with other women. I just couldn't. I didn't trust them anymore, and felt like it just wasn't even worth the risk or hassle. I had developed a complex and was sure that other women wouldn't even want to be my friend. Maybe I didn't deserve friends? I decided that I had my husband - he could be my best friend. He was all that I needed.
Or so I thought.
When I was in my mid-20's, a group of women moved into our church ward boundaries, and slowly but surely, about six months later, I suddenly found myself part of a group of friends again. We talked about our kids, about being a Mom, about being a woman, about clothes, about recipes, about period woes, about birth control issues. We talked about everything from makeup and movies to life's hardships and spirituality. We had girls nights at each other's houses. I had friends again.
And it was awesome.
I had no idea how much I had missing having female friends in my life until I had them again.
The fact is, no matter how much I love my husband, he is NOT an adequate substitute for having women friends. That is a void that he JUST CAN'T FILL.
As women, we NEED each other. We really do! We can relate to each other in ways that our husbands never can with us. It's not because they are stupid or inferior - they just don't get it because they AREN'T WOMEN.
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| I hope that I still have crazy girlfriends when I am old |
I love Lou and can't imagine my life without him. He is my #1 and my eternal companion. And I could live without my female friends. I could do it. I just wouldn't want to. They enrich my life in so many little ways, and I am so thankful for that.
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| Because good friends stick together like PB&J! |
I am thankful for the phone calls that have happened at just the right time, when I needed to hear another women say to me - "I know, girl. I've been there. I'm going nuts over here sometimes, too. Keep going - you're doing fine!! I love you."
I am grateful for the girls nights that have helped me remember that youthful, spunky spirit inside of me that I NEVER want to go away. Those nights help me to let all my Mommy and wife cares melt away for a few hours and I can JUST BE ME for a little while. They remind me how fun it is to be a girl. Oh, how I love those nights!
I treasure those moments with a good friend when you open up about hard times in your lives and you learn from each other by sharing. You lift each other up and strengthen one another. You find out that you are NOT the only one who has gone through it. This amazing friend of yours has gone through it, too, and you can help each other through your shared experiences. There is so much comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your struggles. It makes all the difference.
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| CD - this is you and me! ;) |
But that is not all these women have done for me. The friends that I have made in my mid-20's and now 30's taught me so much about what it meant to be a friend, and that I did, in fact, deserve them. They showed me that, given the chance to know me, that people actually DO like me. Amazing! They helped me get over my complex about making friends and realize once again how wonderful it is to have them in my life.
My best friends live all over the country - Washington state, Texas, Virginia, etc. I miss them so much and wish that we had more than just phone calls and cards, but if that's all I get right now, I'll take it! I feel so blessed to have these women in my life, and true friendship is not lessened by geographical distance.
And now, please indulge me in a few shoutouts:
I am thankful for my friend SC, whom I admire more than I could ever express in words. I had her pegged completely wrong when I first met her. I thought she was stuck up and shallow. She is so far the opposite of these things, it's not even funny. We are the same age, but she feels like the big sister that I always wanted because I feel like she is so much wiser than me! She has messaged me on FB and/or called me at random times because she said she was thinking of me, and it's almost always been when I really needed to talk to someone. We served together in YW (where I found out that we had more in common than I originally thought) and I learned so much from her. We don't get to talk very much (four kids for each of us), but when we do, it's like no time has passed. She is fun and funny and cute and creative, but so down to earth and REAL. SC will tell you like it is and have no fear about doing so. She has been through so much and still has her faith intact. I hope that someday we will get to see each other again (she lives on the other side of the country) I feel lucky to know a woman like her.
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| I know - random. Just a great female duo from back in the day |
I am grateful for my friend LT. We hung out plenty of times between 05 and 08, but shared a "moment" back in 2008, right before she moved away, in which...well, I can't really describe it. But in that moment we got each other on a whole other level and just became good friends right then and there. We both felt it and have commented on it since. It was this kind of spark that lit in both of us and it became clear that we were meant to be good friends. We have visited each other almost every year since she moved away six years ago (which is pretty impressive seeing as she lives about 10 hours away!), and each time it's as if no time has passed. LT is beautiful and strong and fiesty as hell. I love that about her. She don't take no sh*t from nobody! Like my long-lost sister. ;) I love that I can go on and on with her about my love of exercise and what is the latest thing that I am trying, and not only will her eyes not glaze over, she'll talk my ear off about HER latest workout routines, too! And she will never give me any of that "Oh please, like YOU need to exercise" (I HATE when people say stuff like that!). We share that passion and total "get" each other when it comes to our slight obsession with fitness. I also really admire her strong testimony, but also her candidness about her weaknesses (and boy, do we have some of those in common! Seriously - long lost sister, folks) Some of my favorite people in the world are those who don't pretend to be perfect in front of me, because those are the ones that I can relate to.
I love my friend CD. She is spunky and fun and just the GREATEST girlfriend that a girl could have. She injected some youthful spunk into my life at a time when I REALLY needed it. When she moved into town, all of my good friends had moved away, and I was feeling super lonely and abandoned and lazy about making new friends. She wasn't havin' it. She invited me to girls' nights over and over (and got me sucked into Twilight - now THAT took some talent, let me tell you!) and FORCED me to come out of my hole and embrace my inner girl. And I thank God for her. I needed that so badly at that point in my life and she was there to not take no for an answer. She was just so fun and inviting that it felt impossible to say "no" to her. CD is like me - moody and pissy at times, but loyal to a fault and deeply sensitive about things (and no, I don't mean the "crybaby" kind of sensitive). We share a love of urban music (I love every CD that she has ever made me) and celebrity gossip (although she is probably way more informed on the latter than I am). She is hands down the most stylish of all of my friends (girl ALWAYS looks so stinking cute and is always on top of the latest fashions), but just because she loves clothes doesn't mean that she's superficial - she's not. She can get deep and she puts a lot of thought into things before throwing out an opinion. She's smart. And she's thoughtful - girl does random acts of kindness for people left and right. But she's no saint and I LOVE that about her. She will totally admit to freaking out on her kids (and boy, can I relate to that!), or about when she's having a b*tchy day and will turn around and listen to mine, too, if I need her to. It doesn't matter if I talk to CD for 5 minutes or 50 - I always feel a little lighter in my heart after chatting with her. And here is another one that I wish didn't live so far away. Why do all of my best friends move across the flippin' country?!!
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| LOVE THESE TWO BUDDIES! |
There are so many other women who came into my life and affected me in a personal way - CJ (so fun and spontaneous, and got Lou and I to do an awesome backpacking trip that we never would have done on our own), JD (who helped me through my molar pregnancy in a way that no one else ever could have), RB (so smart and sweet and genuine, but with a goofy side that you would never expect at first glance), CD (my good friend from BYU who got me through a very difficult and confusing time in my life), KF (grew up with her and feels more like family than just a friend), LB (so friendly, and so down to earth, and was my playgroup buddy when everyone else stopped coming), MS (has a fierce and unyielding testimony of the gospel. She is childlike in the way that the scriptures teach us to be, and this girl is CRAZY!! Love that about her), and others that I can't think of right now because I stayed up too late last night, again.
If you are wondering why I'm not mentioning sisters - they fall into a whole other category. I am so glad that I have sisters!
Either way, I thank God for all of these women in my life, not only for my past experiences with them, but for our continued friendships.
I can only hope that I have been half the friend to them that they have been to me. My life is better for having known them. :)
