And here are the details...

Okay, this is kind of long, but I really wanted to share this story with all my friends out there :)

So, by now it's been established that I am, indeed, incubating baby #3. We are all, as you can imagine, ecstatic. I am due on October 12th, and so am now a little over 12 weeks along. This pregnancy has been very different from the last two - I have of course been exhausted and nauseated (will food EVER sound good to me again?!), but I have been spared the horrible level of morning sickness that I experienced with my two girls (throwing up 3x/ day, for example). For that I am very grateful, although I could do without the severe bloating and burping issues I have been having (seriously, by the end of the night, I look like 2 week old road kill...).

In general, though, I am on cloud nine. I think that most of you know about my horrible experience with a molar pregnancy back in December of 2007. I have to say, it gave me a whole new appreciation for the miracle of pregnancy. I am so in awe of the fact that I am actually pregnant (with a baby this time, and not a deadly cancer-like disease!), I feel like this is my first one all over again! It's funny how, when you know how much can go wrong, you see what a miracle it is when it all goes right!

I was actually really scared to even try again. I was convinced that my luck had run out when it came to pregnancy, and that I would either a) have another molar pregnancy, b) have a miscarriage, or c) just never be able to have children again. This may sound silly or overdramatic to some of you, but once you have a traumatic experience like that, it changes the way you see yourself. You feel marked for disaster somehow - so much more vulnerable.

It didn't help that early in the pregnancy the doctor called me and told me that my HcG and progesterene levels weren't rising like they should, and that they wanted to get me in for an earlier ultrasound to make sure that everything was okay. So...I totally freaked out and convinced myself that I was having a miscarriage. I spent the next week before the ultrasound in absolute agony, going back and forth between pleading with God that everything would be okay, and giving up hope entirely and crying my eyes out. Not fun.

Then came the day of the ultrasound. Right before I went in, I went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out once more. I hadn't been "feeling" pregnant for the last few days, and was so sure that the baby had died. Memories of the ultrasound from my miscarriage came back (I will never forget the sight of that black, empty screen), and I started having a panic attack just thinking about what I might see...or not see...on that screen.

I looked at the screen when the ultrasound began and saw...nothing. I seriously started hyperventilating and had to look away. I just stared at the ceiling and tried to hold it together as I braced myself for the bad news. All of a sudden the tech said "Hold on, I have to reset the computer, I'm getting a triple image here - it looked like there were three of them in there". I sort of sat up and said "three of WHAT?" She reset the screen and found again what she was looking for. "Three of these", she said, as she pointed to the blob on the screen. "But don't worry, there's only one baby in there". "What?!", I asked, my voice cracking, "There's a BABY?!!" She nodded her head and pointed out the heartbeat, flickering away, defying all of my fears and worries. "There's a baby?" I managed to squeak out again as the tears started coming, "And it's okay? It's normal?" She nodded and said that it looked perfect. I stared in complete disbelief at this tiny miracle. I really had made up my mind that this baby was dead, and I just could not believe that it was actually alive! It seemed impossible. I laid my head back down and just sobbed with relief as Lou reached over and squeezed my hand. It was a beautiful moment.

I was still a bit nervous in the following weeks, as I had read stories in the past of molars being discovered as late as 11 weeks. But the nine-week ultrasound showed a perfectly normal baby, as did the 12 week one that was done on Tuesday. The doctor pronounced this a healthy and normal pregnancy, and told me that I could officially start celebrating.

I left that appointment feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was really going to happen - we were REALLY going to have another baby! There was a large part of me that believed that it might happen never again for us. Some days I still can't believe it.

Thank you all so much for all of your support, prayers and congratulations for us. We are so excited, and it really warms my heart to hear all of my friends acknowledge how huge this is for us.