6 months old 

I don't know...I think he's pretty darn cute. :)

"Sugar and Spice and Everything (not so) Nice"

 

It seems like every time I turn around lately, I am reading/hearing about someone who is giving up or has already given up consuming any sort of refined sugar.  I don't ever remember hearing about this before the last year or so, but now I feel like I hear it all the time.  I've heard of some lately who are giving it up until the New Year (like some sort of Mormon lent?  I don't know.), and some who plan to give it up for a year.  I've even heard of one individual who claims that they have given it up FOREVER (I'm skeptical on that one). 

It's all the rage.  Sugar is evil, and giving it up means you will have more energy, less headaches, better moods, clearer skin, stabilized blood sugar, have less yo-yo-ing with your weight, etc., etc.

Blueberry Lemon Cheesecake Bars

I'm sure that all of this is true.  And no, I'm not being sarcastic.  I'm sure that a diet of no refined sugar is very healthy.  People say how great it makes them feel (although I've yet to meet someone who has successfully stayed away from it completely for more than a month or so).  I'm sure that it would technically be better for my health.  But I'm not going for it.

Chocolate Tart sprinkled with Sea Salt and Spiced Whipped Cream

I mean, it really all does seem so noble - sugar does nothing good for your body.

Peach Pie

And you would think that I would be all over this.  I'm an exercise nut, and have been since I was in high school.  I don't consider myself a health "nut", per se, but I do try to eat very healthy.  I almost never eat fast food.  I rarely eat fried food.  I don't binge on things like cheese curls or chips.  Heck - I almost never eat them, period.  I don't eat white bread - whole wheat only.  I eat lots of fruits and vegetables (I am that weird person that actually keeps track of how many I eat throughout the day to make sure that it totals at least the recommended 5).  I drink mostly water and milk (and yes, it's skim).  I only really drink juice in the morning with my breakfast (or when I have a cold), and the only soda I drink is the occasional SIP of Lou's.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Brownies

But I'll tell ya - I love me my sugar.

Fruit Tarts

I'm not saying that I'm crazy addicted to it or anything (no, you are not going to catch me eating sugar packets at a restaurant), but I love sweets. 

White Chocolate Pumpkin Cheesecake

Not ALL sweets, mind you.  I can't even remember the last time I bought cookies from a store (yuck), and grocery store sheet cake makes me gag.  Heck - I'm not even that nuts about box mix cake (think "oil sponge", because that's what it is - gross).  But homemade sweets - oh, my.  Love them. 

 And candy...

My mouth is watering

Ooooooh candy...

Chocolate Torte with Chocolate Mousse Filling

And I'm not ready to say adios to any of these things for good.  It's not that I can't (it would be hard, but not impossible).  It's that I don't want to, and I don't think that I need to. 

Pumpkin Roll

Yes, refined sugar is not good for you.  Your body doesn't need it, and in high doses, it does start to affect you  negatively.  I have definitely found myself feeling addicted to it at times.  If I overdo it during the holidays (like Halloween, Easter and Christmas, when my house is inundated with the stuff), I find myself wanting it more and more, and end up getting to the point where I wake up craving it, wanting to dive into the chocolates and cookies before I've even had breakfast.  Not good.  Those are the times when I DO give up sugar for a week or so just to sort of detox, as it were, so I stop wanting it all the time.

Death By Chocolate Cupcake

So I feel like it's all about moderation.  Anything done in excess is not good.  Red meat has all sorts of protein and iron in it, which is good, but if you eat it twice a day every day, it's NOT a good thing.  Ditto for carbs.  Bodies need them for energy.  But if we are stuffing ourselves with them all day, we start to get sluggish (and fat).

Raspberry Oatmeal Bars

When I eat sugary sweets all the time, I want more and more and start to feel like crap.  But if I eat them in moderation, then I don't crave them all the time, and I don't get all the yucky physical effects of overindulgence.

Sea Salt Caramel Hot Chocolate

What works best for me it striving to restrict my sweets to the weekends (it just the easiest way for me to keep track of/restrict how much I'm eating).  There have been exceptions, and yes, I fall off the "wagon" from time to time, but hey - nobody's perfect, right?

Strawberry Lemon Cheesecake

But I just can't give them up completely.  Because you know what?  I don't drink alcohol or coffee.  I don't smoke.  I don't do recreational drugs.  Having a piece of cheesecake from time to time, or homemade cookies (especially at Christmas!) or a steaming mug of delicious hot chocolate on a cold winter day, or some homemade jam spread on toast (because yes, jam is made is LOTS of sugar!!) are some of life's simple pleasures for me.  And as long as I don't overdo them, I don't feel that I need to give them up.  And I'm not going to.
  

Lots of Ice Cream

For those of you who want to go sugar free - go for it.  I am skeptical that anyone can really eliminate it 100% from their diet for life.  I mean, can any of you really imagine pledging to NEVER EVER AGAIN eat a warm homemade chocolate chip cookie?  Or a slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving?  Or a fresh cinnamon roll on a crisp fall morning?  Or a piece of deliciously rich dark chocolate? (think Lindt truffles - mmmm)  Or a creamy ice cream cone on a hot summer day?  No way.  Not this woman.

Good ole' Chocolate Chip Cookies and Milk

Now please excuse me - I think it's time for me to make a batch of my soft ginger cookies with orange glaze.

Care to join me? ;)

And this is beauty...

I was...apprehensive about having a fourth baby - and that's putting it lightly.  It was more like dragging my heels as hard as I could.  Lou was sure that he wanted another child - I...was not.  I felt like I was already pushed to my limits with three, and I really wasn't interested in being sick for 8-9 weeks again, stretching out my belly again, going through postpartum yuckiness again, more diapers, more sleepless nights, etc.  I just wasn't feelin' it.

And yet, I knew that I would.  I had felt very strongly since the day Edward was born that he was not the last, and through all of my whining to Lou about all the reasons that we should stop at three, I knew deep down in my heart that, in the end, I would have another baby.  I was just in denial.  SERIOUS denial. 

I prayed about it all the time, and had confirmation after confirmation that our family was not yet complete, but I kept arguing with Heavenly Father.

I even had a few very strong, very personal spiritual experiences that let me know for sure that I would have another baby, and yet I still found myself very resistant to the idea.

It got to the point where the promptings were just so strong that I couldn't really ignore them, and so I took a leap of faith and went for it.  I was secretly hoping that it would take me awhile to get pregnant (although it never has in the past) so that I would have some time to get used to the idea.  No dice.  I got pregnant on our second try.

I knew that I was pregnant before I even took a pregnancy test.  I just knew.  My symptoms started really early (the excessive fatigue and bathrooms trips, being extra hungry, etc.) and I started panicking about the possibility of being pregnant.  I felt like someone had talked me into going on some crazy roller coaster ride, and here I was, strapped in and ascending the first hill and screaming "Wait, wait, WAIT!!  I changed my mind!!  I want to get OFF!  I'm not ready for this yet!!"  But alas, it was too late - the deed was done, and there was no turning back now!

But something very special happened the day that I missed my period (and knew that Tommy was on his way, because I am NEVER late).  I woke up very early for no apparent reason - at about 6am.  Lou was not there because he was out salmon fishing.  I looked out our window and saw that the whole sky bright with color - a breathtaking sunrise was taking place.  I had a very strong prompting that I should go outside - RIGHT THEN.  So I did.  I threw some clothes on and some flip flops and shuffled outside, half awake, while all of my kids slept soundly.  I walked out onto our street (it's a quiet dead end, so this was not an unusual thing to do) and gasped as I saw the sky toward the east, where the sun was rising.  It was by far the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen - huge swirls of brilliant pink and fiery orange and yellow in the most amazing patterns, stretching across the sky far and wide.  It looked unreal, like a painting by an incredible artist on the biggest canvas in the world.  I was overwhelmed by it's beauty, and at that moment the spirit hit me so strongly as these words came into my heart:  "There is beauty in all things.  This is a very special time in your life, as beautiful as this sunrise, but - like this sunrise, it will only last for a short while, and then it will be over.  Enjoy this season of your life - cherish it."  I knew that this was in reference to my childbearing years, and if you look at how long we live - it's true.  The time in our lives that we as women spend growing, giving birth to, and raising babies is a very brief period in the grand scheme of our lifespan.  And just like a lovely sunrise, the time is intense and amazing, but fleeting.  I was so grateful for this revelation, and would look back on it many times during the next few months to get me through.

You see, I went through a very rough first trimester, emotionally speaking.  I suffered from prenatal depression pretty badly (and yes, prenatal depression is a real term - google it. :).  The 1st trimester hormones were very rough on me, and I spent a LOT of time crying when I was alone.  I was afraid of my dark thoughts, afraid that I would never feel normal again, terrified that I wouldn't love my baby when he/she was born.  I prayed for strength constantly, and looked back on my special sunrise morning frequently to give myself perspective.

I was afraid to tell Lou how I was feeling, because I was a bit ashamed and afraid of being judged as a terrible mother (because what kind of mother feels like she doesn't want her baby?!), but when I finally did, he assured me that I wasn't a bad mother, and that it was just the hormones and morning sickness.  He promised me that I would feel better when the second trimester began and the hormone levels calmed down and stabilized.

Thankfully, he was right.  Somewhere around 15 weeks (which is also when I was finally able to stomach eating something other than toast), I started to feel, well, excited!  I was suddenly eager to share our news (up until then I had kept it a state secret), and looked forward to feeling the baby kick.  I felt like I had spent 2 1/2 months in a dark cave, and had suddenly found my way out into the sunlight, basking in its warmth and comfort.  It was a wonderful feeling to feel like "me" again. 

And six months later, I met the newest love of my life...

...and as I held this fourth miracle in my arms, I had to wonder - how could I have ever not wanted this?

A friend of mine recently said to me - "We often talk about comforting babies - we rarely speak of how much they comfort us."  I love that, because it is so true.  What is it about holding a newborn baby that feels so amazing?  I feel like it soothes your very soul.

I love these two pictures for two reasons:
#1) I love how they show that smushed up lip thingy that newborns do - LOVE IT.
#2) If you look closely, you can see that he is so new in these pictures (only 1 week old) that he still has that peeling newborn skin (look at his hands).  When that layer of skin goes, so does their "new baby smell". Ahhh - memories... :)

The second of these two pictures is the one I chose as our announcement picture.  My sister Dana told me that she loved this one because he looks "literally like an angel sent down from heaven".  And it's true - don't these pictures just make you want to snuggle him?

Baby feet - ooooh, how I love them!

My mom gave Thomas a really weird compliment when he was brand new.  "Oooohhh!!!  He has perfect little ears!  There are so nicely shaped!"  She practically squealed with delight at this.  I later told one of my sisters that I thought this was an odd compliment, to which she replied - "Not really, there are some really crazy looking ears out there - some of them stick out really bad and look really funny".  Well, I guess so - I never thought about it before.  But I guess Tommy's are pretty cute. :)

I love this shot because if you look, you can see that fine lanugo hair on his face and shoulders and back - that tell-tale "I am BRAND NEW" downy hair.  Like the peeling skin and newborn smell, this doesn't last long, but it's one of my favorite things about newborns.

This is what I lovingly call the "puddle of goo" phase, when they just kind of mold into whatever position you put them in, when they seem to just melt into your body when you hold them...aaahhhhh - I love newborns...

This series of pictures makes me smile - I just love the random expressions captured here - the sweet little baby pouty lips, the cute little pursed lips, and those early "smiles" (that we all know are not really smiles - more like gas and/or newborn twitchiness, but they are adorable anyway!).

And as I look at these pictures again and at my little baby boy everyday, I remember again those words that came into my heart over a year ago as I gazed on that breathtaking sunrise - "there is beauty in all things".

I am so glad that I looked past my fears and put my faith first and followed the prompting to expand our family.  It was NOT easy (and neither are the sleepless nights that we are experiencing right now!), but it was the right thing for our family.  And as I get to know the sweet spirit of little Thomas and how he fits into our family - yes, I see the beauty. :)    

P.S.  These pictures were taken by a sweet sister in our ward who, as you can see, does amazing work.  She did it for free as a baby gift, and I am so grateful to her for taking time out of her day to give me some beautiful pictures of our sweet little boy that have captured forever this special and fleeting phase of his babyhood.  Thank you, Sami!

Breastfeeding issues - part #2

So, breastfeeding is going just fine with Thomas (despite my choice of title for this post) - he eats like a champ and has since Day 1.

My issue is with nursing bras. (well, and breast pads, if you read the last post)

I have used the same 2 nursing bras through 3 children.  I bought them right before I had Maria.  I went into Motherhood, picked out 2 white bras - one with underwire and one without, tried them on to make sure they fit, and left.  The whole thing took about 15 minutes.  They fit great, were amazingly comfortable (two of the most comfortable bras that I have EVER owned, nursing or not), and lasted through 3 nursing babies.

Well, it's been 9 years since they were purchased, and yeah, they are rotting now.  Literally, rotting.  As in, there are holes in one of them.  So it was time to get some new ones.  No big deal, right?  Wrong.  Apparently, I got lucky the first time around.  Not so, this time.

I went back to Motherhood (since that's where I got lucky last time) and there were no white bras at all.  Just ugly beige ones and navy blue and black.  I don't like dark bras because they limit what you can where them with (unless you like the whole - "I'm a skank and I like my dark bra to show through my light shirt" look.  Personally, I'm not a fan).  And I don't like beige bras, either.  They look like old lady bras to me, and with garments underneath them, they show through light shirts like nobody's business.  I tried some on anyway, in case I couldn't find any anywhere else and they were...okay.  Not really that comfortable. And I feel like a bra (especially a nursing bra) should be really comfortable since you wear them all the time.  

The other weird thing about all the nursing bras at Motherhood now (and at every other store I tried)?  They ALL have padding.  Unless you are buying a sleeping bra or a sports bra, they all have padding.  Weird.  And not very comfortable to wear when you are nursing (too stiff for engorged boobs) and not easy to manipulate to make room for your baby when he/she is feeding (again, the stiffness of the pad is a problem). I mean yeah, they make your boobs look great, but they are really not very functional.  The stiff pad keeps folding back up in Thomas's face while he tries to eat - annoying.  Maybe this wouldn't be a problem if I had big huge knockers to hold the pad down (but of course if my boobs were bigger, then the pads would be bigger, too...), but we've already gone over this - my girls are small.

So, I decided to look elsewhere.  And do you know what I found?  If you do not have huge boobs, your options for nursing bras is severely limited.

I went to JCPenney -nothing in my size, and all the bras there were sleeping bras anyways (which look TERRIBLE, by the way).

I went to Target - nothing in my size.

I went to the outlet mall and checked out 4 different stores - nothing in my size, or sleeping bras only, or they didn't even sell nursing bras.  You've got to be kidding me.

I ordered some at Kohls.com - They ARE white, which is nice.  But I've tried them on and they don't fit so great with my new nursing pads (see the previous post for that story), and they are really not comfortable, just like the ones I tried on at Motherhood.  They are really tight around the ribcage (and if I go up a number size the cup is WAY too big) and just all over uncomfortable.  Oh, and they are padded (we've already discussed the problem with padding here - it just gets in the WAY!).

So I guess at this point my choices are either keep wearing the rotting ones that are super comfortable (but, um, kind of gross since they have holes in them) or wear really uncomfortable ones that don't fit OR function quite right.

Again - why do companies have to fix what's not broken?  Motherhood had great bras for nursing at one point.  And yeah, I'm sure that the ones I bought 9 years ago did not appeal to everyone, but why not make new ones in addition to the current version?  Did they really need to wipe them out completely and offer such limited options in their place?  Oh well - what ya gonna do?

The verdict?  Between the new bras and the new pads, I guess my boobs get to be uncomfortable and unattractive until I wean (yeah, and then they get to look even WORSE - because we all know what happens to our "ladies" we wean - so sad...)

Boo. 

Breastfeeding issues - part #1 / Am I the only one? #32

Am I the only one who HATES when a company changes a product that was wonderful just the way it was?

I've used Avent Breast pads for years - as in, since Maria was born.  I loved them and have never used any other brand since they are so nice.  The adhesive strip is sticky enough to stay in place, but not so sticky that it leaves a residue.  They are super absorbent and really soft (which means they are comfortable to wear), not at all crinkly like some are.  They are a good price.  I could buy a box of 100 for about $11 - not bad, right?

Anyhow, so I bought three boxes of them before Thomas was born because that's about how many I needed for the whole year of breastfeeding with my other kids.  Well, some how or another, I've burned through almost all three boxes already, and Thomas is just over 3 months old.  I have no idea how I did this - maybe I am leaking more, maybe I was changing them too often (meaning that I changed them when they were wet instead of waiting until they were saturated like I did in the past) - who knows.  So, I went out to buy some more the other day.

My first annoyance was that they changed the packaging - instead of getting 100 for $11, you now get 60 for $10 - um, ripoff, anyone?

My second annoyance was that they completely changed the thickness of the pad, and I hate them now.  They are about half the thickness.  I'm sure the company will tell you that they are just as absorbent, but I find that hard to believe.  This loss of thickness also means that I don't fit my nursing bras properly (yes, I have small boobs), which makes my boobs look um, not too great under shirts.   In addition, thinner pads get kind of crushed and smushed when you push them down to feed your baby.  When you go to put them back in place after a feeding, they are all mashed in weird ways and take some maneuvering to get back to the right shape in your bra.  With the thicker, sturdier version, they just fold right back up into place with no problem.

My third annoyance is the new contoured shape.  This is supposed to be nicer, to fit the breast better, but for those of us who are smaller busted (and again - I am in this crowd, BIG time, no pun intended), the contoured shape just leaves a gap between boob and pad - not good.  Feels weird and looks bad, and let's face it, we all want our boobs to look nice, right?  Don't lie - you do, too.

Oh, and after using trying them out - 2 weird things.  1- as they get wet with milk, whatever they use to make them absorbent turns into this gel-type stuff - very creepy, and reminds me of disposable diapers.  Yuck. 
2 - as they get more and more wet, they start to crumble.  They started to do this after not even 24 hours of wear.  It both looks AND feels gross.

So yeah, Avent used to be the only nursing pad that wasn't ultra thin and contoured shaped and cheaply made, and I loved that about them.  Apparently not everyone did, though, or they wouldn't have changed it, I guess.

Why did I have to go and use up all my pads so quick this time?  Dang it!!

Anyhow else out there have a product that they loved that was changed at some point and now they hate it?

Do share!

"I'm wishing (I'm wishing), for a slice of pie..."

One of my all-time favorite Disney movies is Snow White.  It is from a simpler time, when the women weren't drawn like swimsuit models, the songs weren't written with a soundtrack in mind, and the movies weren't filled with gross-out humor.  They were still cute and pretty innocent (well, all except the part where the step-mother wants to murder her step-daughter, but hey - blame that on the Grimm Brothers - it's their story).

But I digress.  Do you remember the scene where she is making gooseberry pies for the seven dwarfs?  I always wondered what exactly a gooseberry was.  Was it a real fruit, or just a made-up fairy tale thing?  If it really was a fruit, what did it taste like?

Well, by dumb luck, I got to find out.  About a month ago the girls and I went strawberry picking.  I saw a sign for gooseberries when we were about to leave, and curiosity got the better of me.  I HAD to go try some. 

 Here's what they look like:

 Weird, right?  Well, we tried them, and the taste was actually quite delightful.  They had a firm skin, like a grape, and when you bit into them, the texture inside was also grape-like (maybe a little softer), but the flavor was nothing like them.  They were a sweet-tart taste - really interesting.  I had never had anything like them.  Very yummy. 

So I got it into my head that, upon finding gooseberries, the only logical thing to do was to make a gooseberry pie.  I just had to - in honor of Snow White and all.

I went home, googled a bunch of recipes, took some ideas from a few of them, combined them, and came up with this:

 It turned out perfect!  So...what did it taste like?  To be honest, it was almost a dead ringer for strawberry rhubarb pie.  Seriously, almost exactly the same.  I'm not quite sure how that happened, but when I think about it, gooseberries have a sweet-tart taste, and so does the combo of strawberry and rhubarb.

So, the mystery is over.  Gooseberries do exist, and they are delicious, and they make a yummy pie.
   

And we all ate happily ever after.

THE END

Blessing the babe :)

Thomas was blessed on June 17th.  Born on Mother's Day, blessed on Father's Day - kinda cute, right?

Here's our crew (minus a couple of sisters).  My sister Dana and her husband Aleks (holding their daughter, Ivy), and my sister Adria and her husband Jason (holding their kids, Jane and Henry), and well, you know the rest of us.  Adria and her family drove in from Ohio for the event and we were so happy that they were here for our special day.

I love the way Thomas is barely even visible.  Oh well - we were so busy trying to get everyone else to look at the camera at the same time that we didn't notice.  With four kids, you can't have it all!

 Lou and his boys

 I put this picture in because it strikes me as funny - do I always look that tiny standing next to Lou?!

This is the same blessing gown that all of my babies have been blessed in (made by my mother).  What can I say?  I'm a traditionalist. ;)

I know - lots of pictures of Mama and baby - well, I'm not usually in any of our pictures because I am almost always the one taking them, so it seemed only fair.

I love the sparkle in his eyes in this picture.  Sweet baby. 

Lou gave a beautiful blessing, as always.  

Sweet baby.

Beautiful blessing.

Gorgeous sunny day.

Surrounded by loving family.

Okay, so I guess with four kids, sometimes you CAN have it all... :)