Proud to be the "Mrs."

No, it's not our anniversary or anything.  I just have a question for all my friends out there.  Why is our generation so uncomfortable with the formal title of "Mr./Mrs." and "Brother/Sister"?  It's something that's always puzzled me. 

Lou and I had to fight to get married - no one in our families wanted us to, and they spent a LOT of time trying to talk us out of it.  We did it anyway.  We were young.  It was crazy.  But it worked. 

I was so excited the first time I was called by my new name, "Mrs. DeGaetano".  I was in the waiting room of a hospital (Lou had to have surgery on his hand soon after we were married to repair an injury he had sustained right before the wedding), and the doctor came out after the surgery and called out "Mrs. DeGaetano?"  I jumped right up with this big smile on my face, full of pride (the newlywed sparkle was still on), as if to say "Yep, that's me - I'm Mrs. DeGaetano!!"  I loved my new title.

I know so many women who cringe at the thought of being called "Mrs." or "Sister" (as we do in church).  They all want to be on a first name basis only, and the most common reason for this that I have heard is that "Mrs./Sister" makes them feel old.

I don't get it - why does that make you old?  I was married at 18 - not old by anyone's standards (insane, maybe, but certainly not old).  Did being called "Mrs." magically make me an old house frau wearing a housecoat and curlers?  No, obviously not.  "Mrs." and "Sister" are terms of respect and acknowledgement, having absolutely nothing with age.  And being married and staying married in this day in age is quite an accomplishment, if you ask me, worthy of acknowledgment 

Don't you remember hearing your whole life "When you're a grown up you can..." - fill in the blank -  "eat whatever you want", "stay up as late as you want" "make your own rules", etc.  I couldn't wait to be a "grown-up", and I think that most of us were probably like that as kids - so why is it that we don't want the title that goes along with it?  The title that says "I've arrived.  I'm a grown-up.  I take care of myself (and others, most of the time).  I deserve respect"

Now I'm not talking about calling your friend "Mrs. Smith" instead of Susie, or anything like that.  That's just weird.  I'm talking about how children or teenagers address us.  My whole life growing up, I would never have dared to call my friends' Moms "Carol" or "Suzanne" - they were Mrs. Veit and Mrs. Greason to me thank-you-very-much.  And that's they way it was with everyone.  My mom was Mrs. Riddel.  It was acknowledging that they were the adults and we were the kids, that they were the ones with the authority and we were not.  That they were due extra respect, not to be treated like our peers, because they weren't.

I just feel like it's sad that some of the formality has gone out of our society because I think that with it has gone some of the respect, too.  I don't think that we should walk around like a bunch of stiffs (anyone who knows me well knows that is soooo not my personality), I just think that there are just times and places where we should give titles of respect where they are due.  Can you imagine meeting the president and calling him "Barack" instead of Mr. President?  No way!  Can you imagine meeting President Monson and referring to him as "Thomas" or "Tommy"?  Not a chance.  It would be so disrespectful.  LIke I said, those titles are there to give respect, and shouldn't we give respect where respect is due?  And don't you think you are due some, too?  And lest you think I am being an old fogey about this, you will notice that in formal meetings  (and private meetings, too, from what I've heard), the priesthood leaders refer to one another as "Sister" and "Brother", not as Neil or Julie.   

There are, of course, exceptions.  Sometimes there are adults who are so close to your children that it might feel awkward for said adult to be called "Mrs." or "Sister".  But in general, in church or around the neighborhood, I like to be called "Mrs. DeGaetano" (or Mrs. D, as some of the kids call me), and "Sister DeGaetano".  It doesn't make me feel old.  It's an acknowledgement that I am a married adult, something that used to be given distinction in this society, but I feel has fallen a bit by the wayside as the institution of marriage is attacked and broken down more and more (have you ever heard the term "starter marriages?"  Google it.  Scary).  I am proud that I am married and reasonably successful at this "grown-up" thing. :)

To my friends I am, obviously, Robyn (and it would be totally weird if they called me anything else, unless it was to address me in front of the primary kids or Young Women in church).  But I enjoy being called "Mrs./Sister DeGaetano", too, and I just don't understand why being addressed this way makes so many people uncomfortable.  Why are we so afraid to be addressed as adults?

Now, disclaimer:  I am NOT trying to start some huge debate (as I have accidentally done more than once on my blog and on Facebook).  I am just curious to hear your thoughts on this topic.  No judgment (and don't think that I've had snotty thoughts about you if your kids have called me "Robyn", cuz I haven't) - just curious.

The proud Mr. And Mrs. :)

The Great Outdoors

Here are the pics from our annual family camping trip.  And as an extra special treat, I rearranged my playlist a bit, and have mine and Josephine's new favorite song 1st on the list.  So turn up the volume on your speakers and just TRY to not bob your head along with the beat. :)



Edward driving the boat

Tired of all this fishing nonsense - time for a snack.

My awesome Mom

 

We did some canoeing (that's my Pops in front)

...and some hanging out on the rafts (that's my baby sister Christie)

Edward drove his dumptruck around in the water

 

My big sister Melanie, trying to coax her scaredy cat dog into the water

Fun in the sand, and yep, that's our dog, Daisy, on the shore

You can't really see my Dad and Maria too well in this pic, but I posted it because man, look at that view - nothing but mountains and sky - gorgeous.

 Most of our pics are of us in or on the water because the weather was so sunny and hot, that's what we spent most of our time doing!

It was pouring rain the day we left (you can see where the drops got on the lense - see how Maria's face is cloudy?), so our usual church devotional/family brunch had to be modified, but we worked it out. :) 

Good times up in the Adirondacks.  This trip is one of the highlights of my summer every year.  I am so grateful to be close enough to family to do it. 

A new twist on an old favorite!

"Necessity is the mother of invention" - Recognize that quote?  It's from "Little Women", and it's so true! 

The girls and I wanted to make s'mores tonight - we had cooked some chicken on the grill (Lou is gone fishing, so I tried my hand at grilling chicken - it didn't turn out so well, but that's a story for another time), so we already had hot coals - s'mores here we come!  Well, it turned out that we had the mashmallows and the chocolate, but no graham crackers - not even a decent cookie to substitute - bummer.  I was trying to think of somoething we could use when I thought of the ice cream cones that we had, and - EUREKA!!!  I had it!

"S'MORE ICE CREAM CONES"

Pure genius, I know.

These suckers were GOOD, not just "oh well, this will do for this time" - I'm talking GO-OD (yes, good enough to be stretched out into two syllables).  Even better than I thought they would be.  You should try them yourself - even if you have the graham crackers, set them aside, whip out your ice cream cones and give these a try.

Here's what you need to make them:

 

Yes, you need the Giant Roasters (they are the jumbo size), cuz one regular s'more marshmallow aint gonna cut it here.  If you don't have the giant roasters, you will need to roaster about 3-4 normal ones to make this work.

CHOCOLATE!!!

You can use any kind of ice cream cone, obviously - this is just the kind I have around the house all the time, cuz they're cheap.

Here's how you make them:

1.  Take your cones (however many you need), and set them out so they are ready to go.

2.  Break off three small squares (okay, they are actually rectangle shape, but whatever) of a Hershey's chocolate bar for each cone.  Place two rectangles in the bottom of each cone, set the remainder aside for later use.

3.  Roast your marshmallows (one jumbo per cone).  IMPORTANT:  These marshmallows MUST BE MELTED ALL THE WAY THROUGH or this will not work as well or taste as good as it should.  So don't go burnin' your marshmallows and havin' the middle all raw.  If they cook too quickly on the outside, just hold them higher up above the coals so that they continue to get all melty in the middle without cooking anymore on the outside.  When the marshmallow starts sliding down the stick/roaster, you'll know it's done.  This is marshmallow roasting 101. :)

4.  Take each thoroughly melted marshmallow and stuff it into the prepared cones as quickly as possible (try not to burn your fingers on the hot sugar!), and while you are stuffing, take one rectangle of the remaining chocolate you set aside earlier and stuff it into the center of the marshmallow, then keep shoving the whole mess into the cone as well as you can.  If you are thinking "boy that sounds messy" - you're right, it is, but soooo worth it.  Have a wet washcloth nearby to wipe your hands off afterward, if you want.  

5.  EAT your gooey, chocolatey, heavenly mess!!!   

Check this baby out - tell me it doesn't look yummy... (actually, it kinda looks like melted ice cream in this picture, but you know what it is, so cut me a break here)

This is what the center looks like once you start eating it - delicious, warm melted chocolate, gooey melted marshmallow and nice crisp, crunchy cone - all perfectly proportioned to one another in taste and texture.  Again - genius, I am.

You know what is the BEST part about these?  Even though the construction is a bit messy (the marshmallow stuffing part, anyway), these are WAY less messy for kids to eat!  All the mess is contained inside the cone!  No falling out of the graham cracker and dripping down their clothes or falling to the ground.  AND the chocolate melts WAY better than it does with the traditonal graham cracker (I think because it is insultated inside the cone and thus gets way hotter from the hot marshmallow with no outside air coming in to cool it down) .  And the taste is sooooo good.  I think I may actually like these better than traditional s'mores - better melting and more flavor.

So try these next time you're making s'mores and let me know what you think!  My kids went nuts for them!

Victim...again.

So, I was robbed today. At Wegmans. While I purusing the cereal aisle. Yes, I am serious.

I was shopping with my three kids - the usual deal. I had my purse in the cart (I used to keep it up front with Edward but it is too much temptation for him to empty all the contents, so I stopped doing that), with all of my groceries. I do this all the time - nothing out of the ordinary. Well, I had a coupon for some cereal, so I opened my purse and took it out. I then turned my back to the cart and was looking for the cereal. I was looking for maybe 15 seconds. I turned around to put the coupon back and...the purse was gone. I looked frantically through the groceries and...nothing. I looked back at the cereal shelf, thinking maybe I took the purse out and didn't realize it (even though I knew I hadn't) - no purse. I couldn't believe it - I just kept turning around and around, looking through my cart over and over in disbelief - this couldn't be happening - I had my back turned for less than half a minute!!

A Wegmans employee came over and asked if I was alright.   I said, "No, I'm not alright - I think someone just stole my purse!!". She went and told security right away and then came back and got me and brought the kids and I over to the security office. A manager told me they had just seen someone leaving the store who looked "suspicous" - he had followed her outside and over to the Burger King next door, but she disappeared around the corner and he lost her.

They called the police and told me I needed to stick around and file a report - as if I was going anywhere - my keys were in the purse! I started to think of all the things in there - my wallet (with ALL my credit cards of course), new change purse that Lou had gotten me, my new makeup bag (with all my makeup - sounds dumb, but there was probably $50 worth of makeup in there), a bunch of cards with store credit, gift cards for my kids, my Epipens for my bee allergy (they cost more $100), my keys (including a key to the church - expensive, and my car keys, which nowadays are REALLY pricey when they are the keyless entry kind - somewhere in the neighborhood of $300), all the checks that I was about to deposit (totally more than $500), Maria's birthday money, $50 cash (I very rarely carry cash, but someone had JUST paid me back some money they owed me and I was on my way to the bank right after the grocery store), WIC checks, store receipts that I needed, etc. Not to mention the purse itself! When I realized how much was gone, I just started crying. I just couldn't believe it. I was stranded at Wegmans with a cart full of groceries that I couldn't pay for, three tired kids (one with no shoes as Edward had taken off his flip flops and I had put them...yes, in my purse) and a loss of over $1000. I asked Maria to please say a little prayer for us that my purse would somehow be found, and I said a prayer, too.

While I was waiting for Lou and the police to get there, they asked me to come in and look at their cameras - they had the thief on tape!! It was super creepy because when they showed me on the camera who did it - I totally recognized her from earlier. I had seen her a few times while we were shopping - in the dairy section, waiting behind me at the milk cooler and in the produce section. She was FOLLOWING ME around the store!! So creepy - it still freaks me out to think about it - some crackhead (probably) following my kids and I around the store and I didn't even know it. What kind of scum-bag steals from a young mom with three kids, leaving her with NO money to pay for her groceries and NO way home?!! The other crazy part is that you would never have suspected in a million years that this girl was a thief. She didn't look shady at all - she was young - early 20's, and looked like any cute young college kid you would see walking around campus. She was tall and thin, a brunette with her hair up in a messy know, with a bandana tied around her hair that matched her tan sundress with orange flowers on it. She had oversized sunglasses propped up on her bandana and a big oversized tan purse (which she obviously used to stash my purse in). She just looked like an ordinary cute college kid. I just can't get over the fact that she was stalking my kids and I, just waiting for the perfect moment that we would be alone in an aisle, ALL of us distracted enough for her to walk by and snatch my purse out of my cart, RIGHT BEHIND MY BACK. I don't know why, but I found this particularly disturbing.

I've had my purse stolen before - twice, and there is always these sense of such personal violation when it happens.  Once was while I was working as a lifeguard up at OCC in 2002. A security guard came in the office while I was in the bathroom changing and stole my purse off the desk (gotta love that one - a security guard stole my purse). Being a security guard, she had a key to the office, and just let herself in and stole it. It was later found in a trash can in the woman's locker room. Luckily, there was only about $2 stolen.

The second time was about two years later, at CHURCH of all places. Maria had taken off running down the hall (she had just learned to walk, so I was constantly chasing her) and I dropped my purse in that window of the kitchen area without thinking and took after her - I came back and the purse was gone. One of the Bishopric members found it in the trash of the men's bathroom down at the other end of the church. That time all that was stolen was about $5 (I rarely carry much cash).

This time just seemed so much more cynical because it was not a matter of someone finding an abandoned purse and taking it because they could - this woman was following my family and planning it. I don't know why, but it really scares me that it happened that way - with my kids with me and everything, doing something as innocuous as grocery shopping. It kind of makes me feel like you are not safe anywhere, you know?

There is a bright side, though - my husband miraculously FOUND my purse!! Our prayers were answered! The girl had ditched it behind a dumpster down the street behind a fast-food place (the manager of Wegmans saw which direction she went, so Lou just went looking in the area). Of course the cash was gone, but EVERYTHING else was there, intact. And as I've already explained, the contents of that purse was WAY more valuable to me than the $50 (although that part is a bummer). I couldn't believe Lou found it. My hero. :)

AND I have to give a shout out to Wegmans - they gave me my groceries for free - they said it was the least they could do. They were awesome the whole time - they played with my kids while I waited for Lou to get there, gave them balloons, and were just so sweet and kind during the whole ordeal. It is only because of the manager that Lou even knew which direction to look for my purse. And the fact that they gave me over $75 worth of groceries for free to apologize that I went through the whole ordeal - awesome, awesome store, as always. Love that place. The cops took an HOUR to get there and did basically nothing, and when I called the bank to cancel my debit card (before Lou found my purse, obviously), they grilled me with about a ZILLION questions to "verify that I was the owner of the account", asking me some of the same questions 2 and 3 times (some of which were absurd and I didn't even know the answer to) - they treated me like a total criminal and made a mess of my account - it was terrible. The only people that acted like they gave a crap through the whole ordeal were the employees of Wegmans. So, shout out to them!

Anyhow, so lesson learned - don't leave your purse unattended ANYWHERE. Not even in your grocery cart right behind your back. Criminals are bold and shameless, and obviously I have to act like a paranoid freak everywhere I go now to protect myself from theft. So sad. I can't believe this has happened to me three times now. And you can tell from my stories that it's not because of anything stupid that I did - there are just awful people out there - period.

I'm ticked that the girl got so much money out of it - not mad that I lost it per se, because Wegmans' generosity made up for that, but mad that she profited so much from her thievery.  Usually I have maybe $5 in my purse, if anything.  I wish she had done all that work, risked all that, only to get $5 - that would have been awesome.  Oh well.

I'm really grateful for two things, though:

1) That Lou found my purse (talk about an answer to a prayer). I feel like it's a miracle that all three times my purse and belongings have been recovered, and all that was lost was a bit of cash.

2) That the employees of Wegmans were so wonderful to our family. We felt so taken care of and it really lessened the blow of the whole traumatizing experience.

Thank goodness for some good people in the world and for answered prayers...

Little White Dress

Today was Maria's baptism. I feel like, as parents, we experience our children's milestones just as much, if not more than, they do. For parents, these milestones are more than just the events themselves - they mark the passage of time. They remind us that our children are, indeed growing up before our very eyes. I remember when Maria first went to nursery, and I thought - "Wow, I now have a child who is nursery age - I feel old!" And then she became a Sunbeam, and I felt even older. And then she went to Kindergarten - I definitely didn't feel old enough to have a child in school.

And today my baby girl was baptized. It was a beautiful thing. :)

She wore the same dress that I was baptized in - it was a little small on her, and we have to add some lace to make the sleeves long enough, but it worked.

This is right before the program started. We were running late because there had been a problem with the baptismal font and the Bishop was running late. I didn't care - I was going to get my picture first- such moments must be documented!

Maria goofing around - just being Maria.

It was such a wonderful day. The weather was sunny and beautiful, and we had a wonderful turnout from friends and family. It truly was a special moment to see my little girl walk down in the water and begin her life as a member of our wonderful church. Almost exactly eight years ago today we were standing outside this same building on a sunny day in July having pictures taken with our little girl - much tinier back then - in another little white dress. Sigh - these are the moments that I dreamed about when I thought of being a mother. And oh, how lucky I feel to be able to experience them...

The "Terrible Mother" story

I was wondering if anyone would notice that I mentioned the "terrible mother" thing in my last title, and since some of you did, I'll tell the story.

It was our last day at the beach. Lou had taken the girls out to this huge waterslide on the beach, and I was back at the hotel hanging out while Edward napped. We had agreed to meet at a certain spot on the beach at about 12:30. When Edward woke up, I got us all ready (sunscreen, bathing suits and all that racket), packed some snacks and we headed outside to the beach. I couldn't carry all of our beach stuff, because I already had to carry Edward and my backpack. So, when Lou and the girls met us on the beach, he said he would go back to get our beach umbrella and towels and some other stuff while I reapplied the sunscreen to the girls. So that is the setting. I am on the beach with the three kids, and Lou is up in the hotel room gathering beach stuff.

Well, it just so happened that this afternoon Maria was deciding to be a pain in the butt (kids do this from time to time just to prove to you that you do NOT have perfect children, just in case you ever start to lose your humility and think that you do).

First she kicked sand in Josephine's face (whether it was on purpose or not? Who knows, because it's not like she would admit it if is was on purpose - she's not stupid).

Next she decided that a good place to dust off her sandy hands would be directly over the open container of fresh fruit that Josephine was snacking on. Sand-covered fruit - delicious.

Then, while I was putting on her sunscreen, she kept trying to walk off while I was putting it on, and whining and complaining that she didn't want to get sunscreen put on.

I don't know what had come over her, but my usually very helpful Maria was behaving like a 2-year-old, and it was driving me nuts. She was just being a pill, and since I was distracted by two other children, one who kept crying that her fruit was ruined and that there was still sand in her eyes, and one of whom kept wandering off (yes, that would be Edward), I was not handling it in the most patient way. Every couple of minutes I found myself yelling at Maria for something or other, and at the same time trying to call Edward back to us and keep him entertained while I put lotion on the girls so he wouldn't keep wandering off.

During all of this fiasco (or what many of you other mothers will call "just another day in the life"), I couldn't help but notice this middle aged woman nearby who appeared to be staring at us. At first I thought I was just being paranoid, but everytime I looked in her direction she was looking straight at us. "Gosh, she probably thinks I'm a basketcase with all the yelling I've been doing", I thought to myself, then decided that she probably was not even looking at us, it was probably just my imagination.

I finished up all the sunscreen (my least favorite part of the beach experience), and started playing around with the kids making sand castles, digging holes, etc. Lou showed up and we set up the blanket and umbrella.

Right about that point, the woman who I thought had been staring at us walked over to Lou and me.

"Have you two ever seen the show 'What Would You Do?' ", she asked us. I was kind of confused by this random question, and we answered that we had not. She told us that it was a show where cameras went around and filmed random instances of bad behavior in public to see if any bystanders would do anything to help/stop the situation.

"I actually think I may have heard of that show now that you describe it - why do you ask?" Lou says.

"Well", she says, "I don't know if you're aware, but I've been watching you since you got here, and do you know what I've heard?"
She then proceeded to imitate my voice:
"MARIA!!!" (she yelled her name in this shrill, high voice)
"Oh, Edgar" (she said his name in this sweet sing song voice, and I have no idea why she thought his name was Edgar)
"MARIA!!" (more shrill yelling)
"Oh Edgar" (more singsong cooing)
She repeated this mocking voice about two more times.
Then she took off her sunglasses and said "Lady, it is obvious that you are the stepmother", and turned around and walked off, feeling quite proud of herself for figuring me all out in a whopping 10 minutes.

So there you go. I am a terrible mother because I scolded my child when she misbehaved. I am such a terrible mother that bystanders think that I must not be their real mother - I must be the wicked stepmother - because a real mother never loses her patience with her children. She is always sweet and kind and has an unending reserve of patience for each and every one of them. A real mother, ie, a "good mother" never yells.

So that is my story of how I got called a terrible mother, or, to be more precise, a "wicked stepmother", at the beach. It's official - I'm a bad mom. Well, at least according to the pudgy middleaged lady at Virginia Beach.

Free diapers!!!

Most of you know that I am a big cloth diapering fan. I've used them with all three children, and love, LOVE it! By doing cloth diapering, we have probably saved about $1000 between all three kids by this point. That makes me smile. :)

I've used a number of different kinds at this point, but one of my favorites is the Thirsties Duo Wrap, which is used with any kind of prefold. They come in really cute colors and prints, are easy to use, are not too expensive, and are a great product. I used to use the old plastic pants and pins - never again.

I love the wraps as covers for my prefolds because they are size adjustable, come with velcro OR snap closures, and they hold in everything great (no leaks - not even with watery breastfed baby poop!). As a bonus, the company has excellent customer service.

Anyhow, if you are intersted in trying any of their products, they are having a FREE GIVEAWAY contest over the next six days. I entered yesterday because you can ALWAYS use more diapers. :) Click HERE for details.

Woo hoo for cloth diapering!