"There is sunshine in my soul today..."

Today was a good day. I have to make that distinction because yesterday...was not. I seem to be having trouble lately with, well, staying happy. It's weird because I am so thrilled to be pregnant. We wanted this baby so badly, and I can't wait to meet our new little one. So why are there times when I feel so depressed? I had the same problem during my pregnancy with Josephine, but this time it seems to be worse. I just have moments (or entire days, in some cases) where I feel very down, overwhelmed and weepy. Sometimes there will be something that triggers it (like a trip to the doctor's where I don't like what I see on the scale or children who refuse to behave...), and sometimes it will come out of nowhere, for no reason. I will be doing something mundane, like grocery shopping, and all of a sudden, without the slightest provocation, I will feel all overwhelmed and anxious and start crying. I guess pregnancy horomones wreak havoc on some people's bodies more than others.

Anyhow, well yesterday I went for one of my prenatal appointments, and found out that I now weigh what I did when I gave birth to both of my girls...and I have 10 weeks left to go. I was so frustrated, because I have been working out the whole time, eating good foods (indulging from time to time, as I did with the last two pregnancies), and I felt like I was failing somehow. This probably seems quite melodramatic to many of you, but my body is something I feel I should have some control over, so this was a big deal to me. So of course this set me off on the wrong foot. For the rest of the day, it seemed that nothing was going right - from my children's behavior in the grocery store to the errands and chores that didn't get done that day. Everytime I grunted when I bent over or huffed and puffed when I got to the top of the stairs, I would start crying, thinking that I wouldn't so bad off if I wasn't so big already. When I sat down to play the piano for family home evening, I had a total meltdown. At that moment I was exhausted from the day, my feet were aching, and my lovely maternity garments were cutting into my round belly. The thought occurred to me "I'm not even close to done! I have 10 WEEKS left of this. If I am this tired and uncomfortable now, how the heck am I going to feel at 40 weeks?!! How am I going to do this and be a good mother and wife?!" Tears were running down my cheeks all during the song, and I had to excuse myself when the song ended so that my kids didn't see me acting like a complete basketcase. Lou came over to see what was wrong and I just lost it - blubbering on and on about feeling awful and not knowing why and not knowing how to fix it. Yeah, not one of my finer moments... Luckily, my husband knew just what to do - he hugged me and let me cry, and then lifted my chin up and said: "You know what you need? Ice cream." And so off we went to Gannon's Isle for ice cream. :)

Well, some wise friends of mine gave me some great advice today - to remember the miracle growing inside of me and to try to focus on the amazing thing my body is doing right now. To remind myself how much I wanted this, and how much joy I will feel when I see this baby. I am sure that I will have more horomonal moments to come as I get bigger, and more tired and all that, but I will try to keep these things in mind in those moments to get me through. Anyhow, with my new attitude adjustment, I decided that I needed a fun, relaxing day with my kids. So, after getting some random errands done, we filled up our kiddie pool and played in it for what seemed like hours (yes, I got in, too - it was SCORCHING hot today, and that cold water was HEAVEN!!). Then we lounged around the yard in our lawn chairs, sang songs, colored with chalk and ate popscicles - it was just what I needed :) Maria wanted to take some pictures of me with our new camera (she is really into the camera thing lately), and though my first inclination was to say no (I was in my maternity swimsuit at the time...), I decided to heck with it! Why not take some pictures that celebrate my pregnant body instead of complaining about it? So I did a little photo shoot with her (she had so much fun with this!), and now you get to laugh at the results. So here is a collection of pictures from my "good day" - the day where I didn't worry about how much weight I've gained or how I'm going to feel in 6 weeks, about all the other errands and chores I didn't get done or how I've failed as a person, etc. The day where I stopped and lived in the moment and enjoyed my children - all three of them... :)

Still the baby of the family, for a little bit longer... :)

Maria thought it was hilarious to take pictures of ourselves, so we both did it once:

The girls, jumping around like jack-rabbits...

...and Josephine showing some sisterly affection

Here's to the days where we stop criticizing ourselves, sit back, relax, and remember to be grateful for what we have.... :)