I...need...SLEEP!!!

Edward is having sleep issues...well, that' putting it lightly actually. Really, to be blunt, he is sleeping like crap. I don't know how this started, I just know that I want out, bad. At six weeks old, he was sleeping so well - 5-6 hours at a time, and I was thanking my lucky stars that we didn't have another Josephine on our hands (that's a story for another day - the short of it is that she was the worst sleeper EVER, and did not sleep more than a half an hour at a time until she was 11 months old). He took nice long 2-3 hour naps, and I was in heaven. Ah, but that seems like a lifetime ago at this point...

This is a scene not often had at our house right now - Edward sleeping peacefully - oh, how I long for those days again!!!

I am convinced that the miracle blanket (I've blogged about it before), was responsible for his sleeping so well, so young. But, unfortunately, he grew out of it, and right around the same time, his sleeping started to go downhill. First, he just started waking up more at night, and then the naptimes got shorter and shorter. He is now waking up AT LEAST 7-8 times a night, and waking up after only 30 minutes of naptime, which means he (not to mention the rest of us) is chronically overtired. Wow, it's like deja-vu - HELLO Josephine...sigh.

Lou and I are desperate for sleep, and are at the point where we argue through the wee hours of the morning over whose turn it is to go and deal with the screaming angry baby who does NOT want to sleep alone in his crib. There has been more than a few times now that Edward and I are both crying in his room - a pretty pathetic sight, if you ask me.

And in case you are wondering, NO, I did not bring this habit on myself - I made none of the mistakes this time around that I made with Josephine such as:

• co-sleeping early on
• nursing the baby to sleep all the time
• rocking the baby to sleep

Nope, I was determined to not make those mistakes again - I make sure he is drowsy but awake when I put him down, and he falls asleep just fine, it's just that he doesn't stay asleep, and wakes up over and over and over and over, until Lou and I think we just might go mad.

We've tried several things to combat this, including:

The "Swaddleme", made by Kiddopotomas (recommended by a friend). It's a swaddler for bigger babies, and has velcro so that baby can't break free...except for the fact that somehow or other, Edward does (seriously, how does a baby get past velcro straps?), and at this point, he actually really resents not being able to have his hands free at all times (even though he sleeps soooo much better when he's wrapped up tight, since he startles a LOT in his sleep). So, after several nights of failure, we ditched it.

Edward is VERY gassy, so we thought it might be waking him up. I've heard that Mylacon drops kind of suck (and I don't like overmedicating babies with drugs), so Lou found this all-natural anti-gas stuff (with stuff like ginger and anise), and when Edward is gassy, it works like a charm, stopping his crying within 5 minutes and softening up his hard belly...but he still wakes up all night, just not from gas - darn it.

So then we bought a sound machine with all kinds of white noise sounds. Edward loves loud white noise like the vacuum cleaner, the washer, the dryer, the blender, etc. So we thought, "Hey, they calm him down during the day, maybe they would help him be calm and sleep better at night". Um, no luck there either - crap.

At this point, we've spent over $50 trying to get something that would help with this sleep problem, and so far, we have nothing to show for it...

Oh, and yes, we have also tried the "crying it out" method. It worked fine for Maria (our angel sleeper), but not for Josephine, and not for Edward either. We've let him cry up to an hour, at which point his sheets are drenched with tears and he is twitching and gagging like he is having siezures - nowhere near sleepy land.

So, short of selling him on Ebay (no way am I doing that, seeing as the hell I went through physcially to get him here... :), I have no idea what to do. I did everything I was supposed to this time - I didn't "spoil" him by rocking/nursing him to sleep and/or co-sleeping, I make sure his belly is full and his diaper is dry before I put him down. And the two parental units here are just tired beyond all reason on a regular basis. I know that these times don't last forever, and there are bigger problems in life (I'm sure when he's sixteen and mouthy and all that, I'll long for these days), but tell me that at 3 in the morning when I'm in his room for the 5th time that night and I'll probably tell you to shove it - because that's about my attitude in the middle of the night when I've had zero sleep...

So hey, any suggestions out there?

Happy Anniversary to us!

Today Lou and I celebrate 11 years married - man, we are old!! :) I thought it'd be fun to post some pictures of us as youngins', before either of us ever knew the other existed. So here goes:


This is both of us at six months old. I think I look like a greased up pumpkin in this picture.

We are both about 3 years old in these pictures. Tell me Maria does not look EXACTLY like Lou (and if I had a picture of Josephine next to this one, you would see that she sooo has my face).

And here we both are at about five years old. Yes, Lou was already an avid fisherman, as you can see. :)

So yeah, 11 years and still in love - a miracle in and of itself these days if you ask me. It's been a roller coaster at times (isn't it always, when it comes to marriage?), but I am glad to have him by my side as I go through life.

I know a lot of people see Lou and gruff and coarse (and granted, he is... :), but I am so lucky to know the other sides of Lou, the part of him that loves to take me shopping because he loves to buy nice things for me (he's the one that bought me the Calvin Klein heels that I am in love with), the part that will let my girls put bows and clips in his hair and join them for tea parties, the part that will sat for over an hour and individually wrapped up the 100+ caramels that I made for the neighbors, the part that helped me make 75 custom envelopes (and then sat and addressed them all...) for Eddie's birth announcements, the part that almost never says no to someone who needs help (I'm the whiner, as you all saw in my truck ranting post...).

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to lionize the guy - he's no saint, and thank goodness for that, because perfect people are annoying. :)

So Happy Anniversary to us! 11 years is pretty impressive, if you ask me... :)

Ah, sweet relief...

Well, I got my lab results back today, and I am so happy to share with all of you that my HcG levels are down!! They are down to a 3 (down from 8, where they were), which is just one unit above what is considered to be a normal reading! In fact, by some doctors' standards, this IS a normal reading (my doctor is a bit paranoid, and wants to see a 2). I called Lou at work and was literally screaming into the phone: "I'm a 3, I'm a 3!!!" This is huge news that it went down, and not up, because this means that there is almost no chance that the mole is growing back. I know that this is not coincidence - this is totally answered prayers. After posting last week and getting a blessing, I decided that I was going to think positive and have faith that with a priesthood blessing and the faith and prayers of so many on my behalf, that everything was going to be okay this time, and what a difference that made for me these past seven days.

It was hard for me to post my situation last week, because I tend to be the kind to want to just be strong and try to handle things alone, but I had a strong feeling that I needed to reach out this time, and I am so glad that I did. Knowing that I had friends all over the country praying for me gave me such comfort, and increased my own faith and confidence that it would all be okay, which was a great blessing all by itself this past week. My doctor is being a bit of a killjoy and reminded me that technically I need to have a reading of 2 units for a couple of months before I am totally out of the woods, but I am not at all worried about it. I know that my prayers and the prayers of my friends and family were answered and that I am going to be okay. Thank you so much for all of your thoughts, prayers, phone calls, and comments on here to make me feel supported. I can't tell you how much it meant to me to have that support. You are wonderful friends - thank you, thank you, thank you.

On a happier note...

Lest I forget to acknowledge the good things in my life, I'd like to take a moment and show off my adorable son. He never ceases to make me smile and make my heart happy... :)

Help...

Dear friends,
Most of you know that, two years ago, I suffered a molar pregnancy. Once you have experienced this cancer-like disease, you are at a higher risk for it to happen again. It is actually even possible to have one after you have finished a normal pregnancy. For this reason, a woman who has had a molar pregnancy has to be closely monitored for the first trimester of any subsequent pregnancy, and also must have her placenta sent to pathology after giving birth, and must have bloodwork done on weekly or biweekly basis after giving birth to make sure that her HcG levels return to zero, as they are supposed to (rising HcG levels are one of the symptoms of a molar pregnancy, as the disease mimics a normal pregnancy). I have been having these tests run for the last 11 weeks, and, however slowly, my HcG numbers have been going down. Unfortunately, today, my doctor's nurse called to tell me that my last test showed that my numbers have gone up - not by a lot - only from a 5 to an 8, but any increase is not normal, and therefore, not a good sign. She told me that because of this, I would need to meet with my gyno-oncologist (I was so hoping to never have to see her again...) to discuss my "options".

I am not going to lie and say that I am not truly terrified. Going through this before was a nightmare for me, and it has taken me almost the entire two years since then to really be able to put it behind me. This news today put me into hysterics, as the memories of all the doctors visits, bloodwork and chemotherapy, depression, and overwhelming worry and fear came rushing back to me. I know that this experience happened for a reason, and that it did make me a stronger person, but that does not mean that I want to go through it again.

My appointment is not for 2 1/2 weeks, and I have another blood test between now and then, and I am just praying and hoping and begging that, by some miracle, it shows a zero reading. I know that the odds of having a postpartum molar are not high, but I was on the wrong side of the odds over and over during my molar pregnancy, so I am not betting on those odds. I am trying to be more brave, more faithful than I was last time. I haven't done too well today - I have cried until my eyes burned at least twice already - but I will try to do better tomorrow. But I need your help. The first time I went through this, I kept it mostly to myself and felt terribly alone through the whole ordeal. A friend of mine scolded me when she found out. She couldn't believe that I hadn't told her - "Aren't I your friend?!" she asked. So, I am doing things differently this time. I am telling my friends, and I am asking, no, begging for your prayers on my behalf. I am going to try to put all my energy into having faith that I will not have to go through this hell again, that with enough prayers and faith from my friends and I, that I will get a miracle and my next lab reading will be normal and I can put this behind me for good. I know that this is not the worst thing that can happen to someone, but this disease truly terrifies me, and I just really need your support right now.

So please, help...

What am I going to DO?!!!

Okay, so here's the background - neither Maria nor Josephine ever liked to be swaddled once they were home from the hospital. Truth be told, I was never really good at it (I could never understand how those nurses got my baby wrapped up like a human burrito, with not once square inch of blanket out of place...), and they screamed and squirmed and fussed and fought like crazy every time I tried. They broke their way out of my pathetic attempts at swaddling in seconds, and I soon gave up on the idea. Fast forward a few years to Edward, and I saw quite early that he LOVED to be swaddled, and by the third baby, I had actually discovered the knack and the beauty of the swaddle.

That being said, I will admit that I was still a bit skeptical when my friend Christina (love you!)sent me a "Miracle Blanket" in the mail as a baby gift. I mean, I thought it was thoughtful and sweet of her, but the thing looked like a straightjacket-kind-of-contraption, and I secretly wondered what was so much better about this than a good old fashioned blanket. Here is how they look:

Well, she is a good friend and I felt like I would be a brat if I didn't even try it out, so I gave it a whirl one night...and that was the first night that Edward slept for more than two hours at a time. So I used it the next night, and the next, and the next...and thus began my love affair with the miracle blanket.

There were two separate occasions where I couldn't use it because it needed to be washed and wasn't ready for bedtime use, and his sleep habits were dramatically different. Instead of sleeping in 4-5 hour installments, he was back to waking up every two hours - yuck. On both occasions, I made sure he had his miracle blanket the next night and voila - he was sleeping great again. After the terrible sleeper that Josephine was, that was the thing that I was most nervous about when I was pregnant this time around - the baby's sleeping habits - and it makes me so happy that I was given something that helped me with this!

So, as you can see, I love, love, LOVE this blanket and would recommend it to anyone. I think the reason it works so great is that not only does it make it easy to swaddle your baby nice and tight, the way it's designed, they can't work their way out of it easily, which means that their little movements during the night don't wake them up.

Anyhow, so here's my dilemma, Edward is getting too big for it already!! It is supposed to be good to up to 14 weeks old (on average, I guess). He is 10 weeks old, and the last couple of nights, he has managed to work his way out of this thing, meaning that he is now waking more often - boo. Now, mind you, I don't blame the product. This kid is seriously strong for a 2 1/2 month old - we just went to the doctor's yesterday and he said that Eddie is doing things strength-wise that he doesn't expect to see until four months old. So yeah, woop-dee-doo, he's strong and blah blah blah, but what about my precious sleep?!! I knew that he would eventually outgrow the thing (they only sell one size), but I was thinking that I had a few more precious weeks with the thing. He seriously sleeps SO much better with it - the difference is amazing - and I'm not ready to give it up.
:(

Oh, and in case you are wondering, no I am not posting this on behalf of the company or to get any freebies (I had to add this, because I have been guilty of this in the past :), I just love this blanket and am so sad to think that I might not be benefitting from it any longer. Maybe I will take on ad adventure and try to make a bigger-sized one myself...

Sucky sucky sucky

You know what sucks? Getting your period at only 7 weeks postpartum. Especially when you are used to not getting it until 13 MONTHS postpartum (it's always been about six weeks after I stop nursing, in the past, anyways...)!!! Seriously, I am one very pissed off woman right now. That is supposed to be one of the perks of breastfeeding - no period to deal with. I am not supplementing at all, so seriously, there is no reason for this!!! WHAT the HECK?! I just really have issues with dealing with leeky boobs AND nasty period nonsense - ugh. Sorry for oversharing, but that's the risk you take when you read this blog. That's all for now - I will fume about this more on my own time...