Help...

Dear friends,
Most of you know that, two years ago, I suffered a molar pregnancy. Once you have experienced this cancer-like disease, you are at a higher risk for it to happen again. It is actually even possible to have one after you have finished a normal pregnancy. For this reason, a woman who has had a molar pregnancy has to be closely monitored for the first trimester of any subsequent pregnancy, and also must have her placenta sent to pathology after giving birth, and must have bloodwork done on weekly or biweekly basis after giving birth to make sure that her HcG levels return to zero, as they are supposed to (rising HcG levels are one of the symptoms of a molar pregnancy, as the disease mimics a normal pregnancy). I have been having these tests run for the last 11 weeks, and, however slowly, my HcG numbers have been going down. Unfortunately, today, my doctor's nurse called to tell me that my last test showed that my numbers have gone up - not by a lot - only from a 5 to an 8, but any increase is not normal, and therefore, not a good sign. She told me that because of this, I would need to meet with my gyno-oncologist (I was so hoping to never have to see her again...) to discuss my "options".

I am not going to lie and say that I am not truly terrified. Going through this before was a nightmare for me, and it has taken me almost the entire two years since then to really be able to put it behind me. This news today put me into hysterics, as the memories of all the doctors visits, bloodwork and chemotherapy, depression, and overwhelming worry and fear came rushing back to me. I know that this experience happened for a reason, and that it did make me a stronger person, but that does not mean that I want to go through it again.

My appointment is not for 2 1/2 weeks, and I have another blood test between now and then, and I am just praying and hoping and begging that, by some miracle, it shows a zero reading. I know that the odds of having a postpartum molar are not high, but I was on the wrong side of the odds over and over during my molar pregnancy, so I am not betting on those odds. I am trying to be more brave, more faithful than I was last time. I haven't done too well today - I have cried until my eyes burned at least twice already - but I will try to do better tomorrow. But I need your help. The first time I went through this, I kept it mostly to myself and felt terribly alone through the whole ordeal. A friend of mine scolded me when she found out. She couldn't believe that I hadn't told her - "Aren't I your friend?!" she asked. So, I am doing things differently this time. I am telling my friends, and I am asking, no, begging for your prayers on my behalf. I am going to try to put all my energy into having faith that I will not have to go through this hell again, that with enough prayers and faith from my friends and I, that I will get a miracle and my next lab reading will be normal and I can put this behind me for good. I know that this is not the worst thing that can happen to someone, but this disease truly terrifies me, and I just really need your support right now.

So please, help...