Proud to be the "Mrs."

No, it's not our anniversary or anything.  I just have a question for all my friends out there.  Why is our generation so uncomfortable with the formal title of "Mr./Mrs." and "Brother/Sister"?  It's something that's always puzzled me. 

Lou and I had to fight to get married - no one in our families wanted us to, and they spent a LOT of time trying to talk us out of it.  We did it anyway.  We were young.  It was crazy.  But it worked. 

I was so excited the first time I was called by my new name, "Mrs. DeGaetano".  I was in the waiting room of a hospital (Lou had to have surgery on his hand soon after we were married to repair an injury he had sustained right before the wedding), and the doctor came out after the surgery and called out "Mrs. DeGaetano?"  I jumped right up with this big smile on my face, full of pride (the newlywed sparkle was still on), as if to say "Yep, that's me - I'm Mrs. DeGaetano!!"  I loved my new title.

I know so many women who cringe at the thought of being called "Mrs." or "Sister" (as we do in church).  They all want to be on a first name basis only, and the most common reason for this that I have heard is that "Mrs./Sister" makes them feel old.

I don't get it - why does that make you old?  I was married at 18 - not old by anyone's standards (insane, maybe, but certainly not old).  Did being called "Mrs." magically make me an old house frau wearing a housecoat and curlers?  No, obviously not.  "Mrs." and "Sister" are terms of respect and acknowledgement, having absolutely nothing with age.  And being married and staying married in this day in age is quite an accomplishment, if you ask me, worthy of acknowledgment 

Don't you remember hearing your whole life "When you're a grown up you can..." - fill in the blank -  "eat whatever you want", "stay up as late as you want" "make your own rules", etc.  I couldn't wait to be a "grown-up", and I think that most of us were probably like that as kids - so why is it that we don't want the title that goes along with it?  The title that says "I've arrived.  I'm a grown-up.  I take care of myself (and others, most of the time).  I deserve respect"

Now I'm not talking about calling your friend "Mrs. Smith" instead of Susie, or anything like that.  That's just weird.  I'm talking about how children or teenagers address us.  My whole life growing up, I would never have dared to call my friends' Moms "Carol" or "Suzanne" - they were Mrs. Veit and Mrs. Greason to me thank-you-very-much.  And that's they way it was with everyone.  My mom was Mrs. Riddel.  It was acknowledging that they were the adults and we were the kids, that they were the ones with the authority and we were not.  That they were due extra respect, not to be treated like our peers, because they weren't.

I just feel like it's sad that some of the formality has gone out of our society because I think that with it has gone some of the respect, too.  I don't think that we should walk around like a bunch of stiffs (anyone who knows me well knows that is soooo not my personality), I just think that there are just times and places where we should give titles of respect where they are due.  Can you imagine meeting the president and calling him "Barack" instead of Mr. President?  No way!  Can you imagine meeting President Monson and referring to him as "Thomas" or "Tommy"?  Not a chance.  It would be so disrespectful.  LIke I said, those titles are there to give respect, and shouldn't we give respect where respect is due?  And don't you think you are due some, too?  And lest you think I am being an old fogey about this, you will notice that in formal meetings  (and private meetings, too, from what I've heard), the priesthood leaders refer to one another as "Sister" and "Brother", not as Neil or Julie.   

There are, of course, exceptions.  Sometimes there are adults who are so close to your children that it might feel awkward for said adult to be called "Mrs." or "Sister".  But in general, in church or around the neighborhood, I like to be called "Mrs. DeGaetano" (or Mrs. D, as some of the kids call me), and "Sister DeGaetano".  It doesn't make me feel old.  It's an acknowledgement that I am a married adult, something that used to be given distinction in this society, but I feel has fallen a bit by the wayside as the institution of marriage is attacked and broken down more and more (have you ever heard the term "starter marriages?"  Google it.  Scary).  I am proud that I am married and reasonably successful at this "grown-up" thing. :)

To my friends I am, obviously, Robyn (and it would be totally weird if they called me anything else, unless it was to address me in front of the primary kids or Young Women in church).  But I enjoy being called "Mrs./Sister DeGaetano", too, and I just don't understand why being addressed this way makes so many people uncomfortable.  Why are we so afraid to be addressed as adults?

Now, disclaimer:  I am NOT trying to start some huge debate (as I have accidentally done more than once on my blog and on Facebook).  I am just curious to hear your thoughts on this topic.  No judgment (and don't think that I've had snotty thoughts about you if your kids have called me "Robyn", cuz I haven't) - just curious.

The proud Mr. And Mrs. :)