Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Am I the only one #22
Am I the only one who feels hopelessly inadequate sometimes? (well, most of the time, nowadays...) I somehow felt like, with my third baby I would be this seasoned, wise mother who could just do it all and take the setbacks in stride, but I feel like I just keep coming up short nowadays, for everyone in my family. I am trying so hard to help Edward with his sleep issues (and to no avail, by the way), so I am spending a LOT of time in his room, trying to either get him to sleep or get him back to sleep. This means that Josephine (and Maria, when she's not in school) is spending a LOT of time alone, which makes me feel guilty to no end. I feel like I can't attend to the needs of one child without neglecting the other. If I want to play with the girls, color with them, read stories, etc., Edward does nothing but scream the whole time unless he is nursing at the time, which makes me feel guilty, too. And just forget about keeping up with the housework - it's all I can do to keep everyone in clean clothes. I just don't know how to do it all with any semblance of success, and it has me really down lately. I just think it's really sad that I've been a mother for almost seven years, am on my third baby and I still suck at this...
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13 comments:
I was just thinking about that today. I think the third baby really pushed me over the edge. I guess we just have to remember to take one day at a time.
Ok, now, hold on. You definitely don't suck at being a mother. You are FAB mother. And sometimes you just have to say, "the most important thing right now is..." fill in the blank. There is a certain amount of guilt that comes with having more children and feeling like the others are neglected, but they are not. They are doing just fine, and it doesn't last for very long. Soon he'll be eating solid food and things will become easier.
Oh! I just remembered something! When Sterling was a baby I couldn't have dairy products. It gave him colic soooo bad. As soon as I quit drinking milk and eating cheese and yogurt he was a lot happier. Try cutting something out of your diet, one thing at a time.
Ok, back to my original thought, it gets easier. Take it from me. You will soon spend less time feeding him and he will be more mobile and then you'll miss the time you had to snuggle and all that good stuff.
That's all my ramblings for now. Thanks for the smack about blogging. Love you tons!
I think feeling overwhelmed is par for the course; I can't imagine having 3. Reading through your blog, I completely identify with your struggles... except, your family still always looks perfect on Sundays. My kids barely wear matching socks.
I love you and I am calling you right now!
OMG I feel like this all the time. I can so relate, and I only have two. So on nights that I forget to do grocery shopping and there isn't a bit of food in the house and we have to order pizza... I try to remind myself that as long as they know they are loved, that's what matters.
My dad said #3 was the hardest-- that was me bytheway. After that you are outnumbered no matter what. I am currently in survival mode. We eat (not always great), we have clean clothes (though you have to dig them out of a basket) and we get most places relatively on time. Anything above that is a bonus.
Three is definitely an adjustment. It really took me a long time to feel like I could handle all of them. It gets better!!!! Good things will come!!! The third one was the hardest for me.
First--you are a WONDERFUL mommy.
Second--the third child is the watershed kid. YOU now have more children than hands. If you can manage three, you can handle any number.
Third--get rid of the guilt. It is not a productive emotion when it comes to child rearing. You just do your best and move on.
Fourth--on some days, if everyone gets fed and no one gets run over or lost, it is a good day.
I am immensly proud of you, honey!
Love, your Mom
My mom always told me 3 was the hardest adjustment. After we had our fourth (Liam) we decided it was just as hard of an adjustment because we still had to get used to a newborn and the hormones and everything else. The only thing I can say is that 1. it does get easier as they get older but then I regret not enjoying their newborn days more. 2. Motherhood has taught me a lot more about humility than about being a good mom. The fact of the matter is that we can't do everything we want to do for our kids and I for one feel inadequate just about every day. To make myself feel better about my mothering skills I compare myself to when I had 1. The things that seemed so hard then have gotten easier now so that means there is improvement somewhere in there right? I hope I don't sound depressing, it's probably a healthy thing somehow that we constantly feel that we don't measure up to what we want to be right?
debbie has the best advice!! i think she is so right on! enjoy the baby! and that is what i do...compare yourself to what you were with maria...atelast for me...i am much better than i was then. one wonderful thing that happ to me when i got my calling is i had a blessing from the bishop and it said in so many words...dont worry too much b/c the blessing i will get from magnifying my callings is my kids will always be taken care of. I KNOW that is so ture. i ve read it somewhere else just recently too. as long as we are trying to do what the Lord is asking of us...OUR KIDS WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF...either of the seen or the unseen. love you!
youre a great mom!
I remember someone who had no kids asked me if I ever adjusted to two kids. My reply was that I never got used to two kids they just got older and less needy. That seems to be true for my third as well. It's kind of sad in a way. Things are really hard especially at first when the baby is sooo needy. Hang in there.
PS Ruth Hale (a fairly well-known lady in Utah who owns a couple theathers) was interviewed and asked how she raised such fine children. She said with a smile on her face, "I gave my children a healthy dose of neglect-each and every one". I don't think I will ever forget that-it makes me smile.
You are not the only one. When we moved to Syracuse we had that little apartment and it was so easy to keep clean. I had a day to do the wash, a day to clean my house, and a day to go shopping for food. When we moved to our house on Harriette, it was the same way. I felt like I could keep it clean. Then Josh came along. Things didn't seem right anymore. Now that we are here, and Josh is older, I still can't keep up with anything. The laundry is piled up sky high and the kitchen floor is making everyone's socks look like they just walked through dirt. I thought today, "Should I give up exercise so I can get some of this work done?" NO WAY! If I gave up exercise I would be screaming at my kids to no end. I can't even begin to imagine what #3 would do to me right now. It will get better for you, I hope! Every child comes with their own set of challanges!~
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